I can’t even begin to understand how it all works. Looking at the top of the list of most visited sites, I can believe the accuracy of the data, but once you get into the long tail of the web, is it just me or are the traffic stats a) irrelevant, and b) utterly wrong?

A few months ago, for one reason or another, I was breaking into the top 100K sites, which was pleasing enough. According to my recent stats, I’m now getting about 2-3 times as much traffic as I was then, and yet my ranking on Alexa has plummeted to an almost non-existent level.

My understanding is that visits are only tracked if the visitor has the Alexa toolbar installed. Perhaps all of my visitors, like me, don’t have it installed. Perhaps they too have heard the words Alexa and spyware together too often.

Anyways, I can’t even tell you what my current rank is, because Alexa have cleverly blocked my IP address because they suspect me of violating some terms of service or other. It could be the first time I’ve been banned for mis-using something I haven’t even been using.

Alexa, you rock!

August 25th, 2006, posted by Neil in Vague rants · No comments

White, a yellow tip.
12 days since you left, only,
50 years to go.

Ah, the given up smoking haiku. Not an easy ode to pen, since I can’t bloody smoke to get those creative arteries juicing. So I’m sorry it’s crap, but you’ll just have to put up with it.

So there. That told you.

Googled “nicotine craving”: Result number two is from the BBC. Apparently:

Quote

Smokers desperate to give up cigarettes could soon resort to a small program on their mobile phone or PDA. It would throw up a series of flickering dots on the screen, which psychologists say seem to break some of the mental processes that drive the need for another nicotine fix.

Sadly, the story is two years old, which suggests that not much progress has been made since. Anyhoo, you can read more here: Mobiles to beat nicotine craving

Meanwhile, I’ve forgotten what I was writing about. Adieu!

March 30th, 2006, posted by Neil in Vague rants · No comments

Just what was going on at Poker Stars tonight, je me demande?

After starting out reasonably sane for the first 20 hands or so, I was a few BB up, then fell into a 50BB hole with the help of some crushinginly weak runner-runner combos on all tables. I feel like I spent at least an hour fighting off poker zombies, crawling interminably towards me with their open limping from the small blind, calling calling calling, then leading the river when their backdoor gutshot appears. Occasionally a super-aggressive zombie would lurch out, raising me on the turn with nothing but a gutshot.

Here’s an example of a happy-go-lurchy zombie stumbling across two pair:

Poker Stars Limit Holdem Ring game Limit: $1/$2 10 players Converter

Pre-flop: (10 players) Hero is BB with A♣ A♦
8 folds, SB calls, Hero raises, SB calls.

Flop: 2♥ K♠ 4♣ (4SB, 2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets, SB calls.

Turn: J♦ (3BB, 2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets, SB calls.

River: Q♦ (5BB, 2 players)
SB bets, Hero calls.

Results:
Final pot: 7BB
SB showed 4h Jh
Hero mucks Ac Ad

Ahhhhh…

And here’s one of those awesome backdoor efforts you just have to take your hat off to:

Poker Stars Limit Holdem Ring game Limit: $1/$2 9 players Converter

Pre-flop: (9 players) Hero is SB with Q♠ Q♦
UTG calls, UTG+1 raises, MP1 calls, 4 folds, Hero 3-bets, BB folds, UTG calls, UTG+1 calls, MP1 calls.

Flop: T♠ J♦ 7♣ (13SB, 4 players)
Hero bets, UTG folds, UTG+1 calls, MP1 calls.

Turn: 4♦ (8BB, 3 players)
Hero bets, UTG+1 calls, MP1 calls.

River: 9♦ (11BB, 3 players)
Hero checks, UTG+1 checks, MP1 bets, Hero calls, UTG+1 folds.

Results:
Final pot: 13BB
MP1 showed 6d 7d
Hero showed Qs Qd

Meh, the pot was large, he had plenty of outs, what can you do?

And finally, while I was in the mire, a big pair to play with, as it were:

Poker Stars Limit Holdem Ring game Limit: $1/$2 7 players Converter

Pre-flop: (7 players) Hero is CO with K♠ K♥
2 folds, MP1 calls, Hero raises, Button calls, SB 3-bets, BB calls all-in $1, MP1 folds, Hero Caps, Button calls, SB calls.

Flop: Q♠ K♦ 4♦ (15SB, 3 players + 1 all-in - Main pot: 9SB, Sidepot 1: 6SB)
SB checks, Hero bets, Button folds, SB calls.

Turn: J♠ (8.5BB, 2 players + 1 all-in - Main pot: 4.5BB, Sidepot 1: 4BB)
SB checks, Hero bets, SB calls.

River: T♣ (10.5BB, 2 players + 1 all-in - Main pot: 4.5BB, Sidepot 1: 6BB)
SB bets, Hero calls.

Results:
Final pot: 12.5BB
SB showed Jc Ac
Hero showed Ks Kh
BB mucks 5c Kc

After this one, my opponent remarked that this was the trouble with Limit. He’d have folded if it was NL because I could have bet more. I didn’t want get into the intricacies of how very wrong such an innocent statement could be, so I let it slide for the time being. Perhaps I’ll explore that idea later.

Still, with the help of a couple of sets, I was, for a while, in the territory known as How In The Heck Am I Up For This Session?

Naturally, it didnt last long, when Mr. I cold call pre-flop hit his straight (it also gave me two pair), and then on the very last hand I chose to play, it was that old devil called the pocket pair again:

Poker Stars Limit Holdem Ring game Limit: $2/$4 8 players Converter

Pre-flop: (8 players) Hero is MP2 with J♦ J♣
UTG folds, UTG+1 calls, MP1 folds, Hero raises, CO folds, Button calls, SB folds, BB calls, UTG+1 calls.

Flop: 6♣ 3♥ T♠ (8.5SB, 4 players)
BB checks, UTG+1 checks, Hero bets, Button folds, BB calls, UTG+1 calls.

Turn: 3♠ (5.75BB, 3 players)
BB checks, UTG+1 checks, Hero bets, BB calls, UTG+1 calls.

River: 8♠ (8.75BB, 3 players)
BB checks, UTG+1 bets, Hero calls, BB folds.

Results:
Final pot: 10.75BB
UTG+1 showed 8h 8c
Hero showed Jd Jc

I’m not having a go at my opponent as such here, although he does come across as passive, wouldn’t you say? No, it’s just the god damn it moment realising that the size of the pot was exactly how much I was down at the end of the session. 950 hands in a nutshell, if you will.

C’est la vie

March 24th, 2006, posted by Neil in Poker and Vague rants · No comments

What is there to say about this week’s Apprentice? I was all set to dispense with any sort of write-up in favour of a brief ode in honour of the to-be-departed Tigger, when up pops Sugarman with one of his curveball firings. Blimey, he don’t ‘alf keep you on your toes.

The week’s challenge was to buy 10 items and spend the least money doing so: another marvellous never mind the quality, feel the width sort of task.

In a 12 hour war between Murdoch (Syed) and Tigger (Jo) as project managers, there was an all too real chance that one of them would have to go. Jo led the girls in an “I hear you, but I’m not listening or interested” manner, while Syed dispensed with planning in favour of roaming East London in optimistic pursuit of cooked Lobsters. The girls bickered, as Jo pissed them all off in turn, as if working her way through a mental list. No-one showed much aptitude for being The Apprentice, and that’s the sad truth of this crop.

And then, to the boardroom, where the girls lost for the second time, and Jo chose Karen and Alexa to join her. Sugarman made it perfectly clear he doesn’t need another corporate lawyer, or a planner, and when the crunch came, both Alexa (planner) and Tigger (nutter) defended themselves by basically saying “what you said about me is wrong”, and the mad one selected one of the larger knives in her collection for Karen, landing the cause of defeat firmly at her door, much to the bemusement of Karen and anyone who’d been watching. But, it turns out that Karen didn’t defend her cause, and was given her marching orders, out of the blue.

Quite why Sugarman thinks either Jo or Alexa would cut it as the apprentice is a mystery that only he can fathom. But we shall see. Perhaps he’s wiser than I give him credit for. After all, he’s the one with the business empire, and I’m just your run of the mill blogging hack: fair cop. Mark my words, though: neither of this week’s survivors will even come close to winning.

March 10th, 2006, posted by Neil in Vague rants and The Apprentice and Television · No comments

No. Thank you.

He is asked why, if his wife Mary was so marvellous, as he always insists, he would want to stray from her: his response is that it is a good question, which he follows up by asking back: “haven’t either of you strayed?”. Poor chap, can’t quite escape his own make-believe world for long enough to consider that others think, feel, and behave differently. Both presenters responded almost in unison with a resounding “No!” each.

Later, on the subject of drugs, he deplores the high number of prisoners who’ve taken drugs in one form or another. The young, as he calls them, have it harder then when he was young, he declares, with drugs, and terrorists (which co-incidentally feature at the beginning of his latest crapola book). His advice: “Just say no”.

That would be ‘no’ as in “Did you spend the night with a prostitute?”, “No”, presumably.

Fortunately, John Crace has summarised Archer’s new book for the Grauniad, thus sparing me the discomfort of not quite knowing just how bad it surely is:

False Impression

Sounds like another smasher, doesn’t it? He’s no Dan Brown…

March 9th, 2006, posted by Neil in Vague rants · No comments

So the support centre / general-purpose technology anecdote goes. Bit-tech reported yesterday that around half of all the electrical goods that the great unwashed populace return to shops are, in fact, not in the slightest bit faulty; people, it turns out, just can’t work out how to use their gizmos, and after about 20 minutes, if the device doesn’t do what they want, it’s assumed to be broken, and back the store said user trots, perfect working order device in hand, for a refund.

I’m a little surprised that people battle on for as long as 20 minutes, and frankly, if most people, or even a decent percentage of people (I’d say 50% is well above ‘decent’ in this context) can’t work a device out in 20 minutes, then if we’re talking about mainstream electronics for a mass-market, then actually the device is faulty. It might be working as designed, or at least it would if the user could ever get it into some state approximating to working, but if you’ve bought, say, a new mobile phone, or a DVD player, or a fantastic new labour saving kitchen device and it doesn’t work right out of the box, or with minimal tinkering once you’ve plugged it in, then surely the design could have done with more work. If your target audience is, ooh, I don’t know, let’s call them ‘people’, and ‘people’, it turns out, can’t operate your gadget, your gadget is probably cr*p, and you deserve to have a warehouse-full returned quick-sharp.

Follow the link to read the rest of the (brief) article, and some variedly informed responses in their forum:

50% of ‘faulty’ products baffle users

But be warned, the article contains scenes of a very cute nature.

March 7th, 2006, posted by Neil in Tech! and Vague rants · No comments